Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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