I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
