C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
