My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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