Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
