That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
