im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
