I will die if light touches me.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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