ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
