We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
