I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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