so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
