no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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