be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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