Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
