Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just googled if crying burns calories
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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