Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
