I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
