I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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