thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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