thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
