I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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