He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
