i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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