Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
