Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
