clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
