She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
