Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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