New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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