her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
