Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
