Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
