So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
