I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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