What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
