I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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