So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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