He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
