well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
