Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i think i just lost a toe
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
