why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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