So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
