I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
