last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
