Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
