Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
