Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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