Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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