guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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